2 years

Some things…
Can never be unsaid.

It just leaves a seering pang where affection used to freely blossom.

A pain to remind you that this person is no longer trustworthy.

They are no longer safe.

Because when your guard was down and they thought no one could hear. They spoke a secreted truth they would never have dared say to your face.

And it hurt so much the world went cold… for the first time you couldn’t even get angry… you just felt your insides split… nothing was what you thought it was.

You questioned every word.

And you spaced out often.

But you were too afraid to bring it up, until you finally found the rage again and it, of course, bubbled over…

And over.

And over.

Now everyday feels like pretend.

You try to forget.

You try to ease back into the swing of life.

Try to distract yourself.

And sometimes you even forget for a little while.

But the sting comes back eventually to hit you when you least expect it as strong as the day it happened.

And the you have to question everything all over.

“Are you just that good of a liar” or “am I just this gullible,” or “is it all just partial truths…”

If they’re lies you’d never tell me the truth now would you…

No, that wouldn’t make sense.

And so then how deep do they go then?

But i suppose it’s much easier to heal these types of things if the person isn’t a compulsively nonchalant.

Or if the other person had even the slightest care for what they said…

No no.

It’s just an over reaction to be smoothed over with poetic words stolen from someone else’s mouth that you’ll mimick from icy emotionless eyes.

And i’ll still want to believe, and for a time I will…

But I don’t want to beleive in lies anymore. No matter how much they hurt to see. I just want to know where you really stand.

How can i be so contemptible to you but you are not willing to let go?